Jennifer Plesko

A friend of mine is always doing things to push his body: running a half marathon without training, living on lunchmeat, eating raw chorizo from a tube. So when he started taking these new dietary supplements, we just thought it was more of the same. Then slowly, he began convincing us, one by one, to try them. I held out for awhile, but eventually, Pusherman talked me into it.

He said the bottle tells you to take six a day, but he recommended four instead. Considering the source, that should’ve been a red flag. I was supposed to take the first two in the morning and the second two right after lunch. He warned me not to take the second dose too late in the afternoon, or I’d never get to sleep. Red flag number two. He said he got this from GNC, but I was beginning to think he scored it somewhere in south Dallas.

Reluctantly, I took the first dose. It wasn’t long before I was sweating and twitching and had the sudden urge to run around the building and possibly leap over a few cars. But unfortunately, I had to sit there and twitch and sweat it out for several hours. Against my better judgment, I took the second dose and went home.

What followed was a feverish cloud of OCD. I scrubbed floors on my hands and knees. I hand scrubbed the carpet with Resolve even where there were no stains. I brushed my dogs’ teeth. I wiped baseboards. I dusted the furniture, I pulled out the furniture touch-up marker and started looking for scuffs, I worked out like an anorexic on crack. I just kept looking for more things to do until about 11:00 that night. It was kind of exhilarating.

I had one more dose left, so since I had a lot of errands to run, I took it the next morning. Once I started to sweat, I knew it was kicking in, so I took the dogs for a walk. But I couldn’t stand moving so slow, so I started running. We ran for about four miles while the dogs occasionally looked up at me as if to ask “Lady, what is wrong with you?” Then I immediately ushered them into the bathroom and gave them a bath, dried them off, brushed them, fed them and brushed their teeth. Next, I vacuumed, did laundry, scrubbed every surface of the bathroom, cleaned out my closet, took the clothes to a donation drop off, assembled a bookcase, filled said bookcase with books, hung pictures, cleaned the interior and exterior of my car, washed dishes, worked out some more, ironed clothes, and finally took a shower some time late that afternoon.

I’m a little conflicted. I don’t know that I should have enjoyed all of that manic energy so much, even if it does leave me with a spotless apartment and a lot of burned calories. But I’m not hooked. Really. I can quit any time I want.