Jennifer Plesko

Things seem to be settling down a little here at the new apartment. Sniff’s Xanax appears to be kicking in and he isn’t watering the fake plants anymore. They both seem confident at this point that when I leave, I am in fact going to come back at some point.

The apartment itself is a good size and in a nice location. It takes me five minutes to get to and from work. And although the apartment itself is a big improvement over the last one, the laundry facilities at this new complex leave something to be desired. At my last apartment, you paid for the laundry using a card that you could put money on. It was easy and relatively convenient to use. And the laundry facility itself was large and the machines looked fairly new.

This complex, however, has only 7 washers and 4 dryers (what kind of math is that?) which were likely manufactured during the Reagan administration and they only use quarters. But there is no machine available there to give you change like they used to have in the arcade. This means that, if I’m going to do laundry, I have to purchase something with my debit card, ask for cash back, and then ask that four dollars of that cash back be given in quarters. It’s rather annoying. Plus, if you dry using their delicate cycle, you’ll end up with damp clothes unless you want to donate another dollar in quarters to the “Our Complex Needs A Decent Laundromat” fund.

Knowing I was going to have to do laundry soon, I purposely went to Wal-mart a few days ago, which is the most depressing place on the planet. I asked for cash back and for my quarters, and she informed me that she couldn’t do that. I’d have to take my cash and go to customer service. So I begrudgingly went to customer service, stood in line, and when I finally got to the counter and told the man what I wanted, he looked at me like I was stupid. “I can’t just open the register. You have to buy something.” I looked at my grocery cart full of stuff in plastic bags that had “Wal-mart” printed on them. “You mean like this stuff I just bought?” He countered “Can’t you just buy a stick of gum?” I could feel my paper-thin patience starting to tear. “I could, but I don’t want gum. Everything I wanted is now in my shopping cart already purchased. And when I purchased all of this, the cashier told me you were the only one who could give me quarters, so here I am.” So he called the manager over that was literally five feet away and - what do you know - she opened the register. It was an early Easter miracle.

So yesterday, I decided to suck it up and get the laundry out of the way. I took my hard-earned quarters and my basket of clothes and headed to the ghetto laundromat. It’s attached to the rather nice fitness room, so I got a workout in while the clothes were being washed. Then I went to put everything in the dryer. I got the first load started, had all of the clothes in the second dryer and had just put the last quarter in when suddenly it started beeping ERROR at me. And the little button you push to get your quarters back? That’s just there for decoration or possibly as an evil joke.

I went around the corner to the front door of the office and the doors were locked. It was still 15 minutes until they opened. So I waited. Finally a lady came and opened the door and I told her my dilemma. She couldn’t have been more helpful. “Oh. Well I guess you should try another dryer.” Really? That’s brilliant. “I have a dollar with me. Do you have any quarters?” She looked a bit taken aback. “Me? Personally? Well no.” “And you can’t get my quarters out of the machine?” I asked as calmly as possible. “The maintenance man can, but I can’t. But I can put a sign on the dryer with your clothes in it that says not to use it.” Thank you. That is so helpful. Maybe you should put a sign on the laundromat itself that says not to use it.

I got into my car and sped to the Walgreen’s on the corner. I bought something I didn’t need and asked for TWO dollars in quarters this time. I went back to the laundromat and opened the dryer (where there wasn’t even the lame sign she promised, by the way) and loaded up another dryer. I held my breath as I plunked the quarters in one by one. Fortunately, it started and I didn’t need my extra dollar in quarters. Spectacular.

I decided then and there that I was done with this. If I was going to live in this place and not get evicted or arrested for punching the staff, I was going to need to buy my own. That very afternoon, I found a deal on an Energy Star, front-loading washer and dryer set with free delivery for a steal. God apparently wants to keep me out of prison too.