beauty
Friday night, I went to a screening of the Darryl Roberts documentary America the Beautiful. If you haven’t seen it, see it. It’s important. It discusses America’s obsession with beauty and what part the media plays in influencing and feeding that obsession.
The film left me with a lot of questions: Why do we place such an importance on beauty? Why is there one standard of beauty? Why is this standard unobtainable? Even the fashion photographers Roberts interviewed in the film admitted that it’s all smoke and mirrors, so why do we think real women should look like something that doesn’t exist? Because of that, many men have become so saturated with the ideal that they can’t appreciate real women anymore. Now we’ve got women bringing pictures from magazines to plastic surgeons asking them to achieve what has been created in Photoshop. It’s insanity.
As I’ve talked about before, this is a subject close to my heart. I spent years abusing myself for the sake of the illusion of beauty and perfection. Among the people Roberts interviewed in the film were the parents who had lost their daughter to bulimia. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I did that to myself for so long thinking that I couldn’t die from it. Only anorexics died. I thought the worst that would happen were dental and throat issues. But severe electrolyte imbalance can cause heart and kidney failure. I was putting my life in danger and had no idea. And for what? Even if you achieve the “ideal,” you will always find something wrong with yourself. You will never be happy. Trust me.
This is me in college - fifteen pounds ago. Look at my arm; I thought I was fat. I still wanted to lose fifteen more pounds.
Although I still struggle with body image, I am getting better at making healthier decisions and knowing the difference between what is real and what is the disorder talking. I am also getting better at blocking out the beauty myth and seeing the real beauty in others. After all, God made everyone beautiful in their own way. It’s not like He screwed up every other day except the days the Victoria’s Secret models were created.
Each one of my friends is beautiful - how they smile, how they laugh, how they relate to people. Some are tall and some are short. Some have fair skin and some are dark. Some have freckles and some have moles. In fact, I know a lot of beautiful women, and none of them look like models - and none of them look like each other. On the other hand, I have met many people over the years who would be considered “the ideal,” yet their looks are all they have to offer. Otherwise, they are petty, shallow, self-absorbed people. Or just plain mean. A person’s looks do not equal their value as a human being.
I want to give Darryl Roberts a great big bear hug for doing this film. A lot of people don’t even understand what is happening or how much worse it can get.
March 1st, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Thanks, Jennifer. I definitely want to see it. As a girl who has spent years thinking the same thing…if I could only loose more weight, if I only didn’t have these freckles, or a breakout, or overly fair skin, or these hips, or whatever. I was insanely sensitive to anything anybody said that could have been construed in a negative way about my appearance. It didn’t matter if there were just compliments five minutes before. I hate that people have expectations of women that are completely unrealistic. The media portrays a world that is over-sexed and over-airbrushed. It has created huge problems in our society and I wonder if it has anything to do with the crazy divorce rate as well. Anyway, thanks for writing on such an important and relevant topic.
March 1st, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Well said, girl!
March 1st, 2009 at 8:57 pm
It looks like this movie is only showing in five theaters in the entire country right now. I’ll have to wait for the DVD, but I do want to see it.
March 1st, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Great thoughts. Thank you for sharing.
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:43 am
I can’t wait to see it.
March 2nd, 2009 at 9:48 am
I needed to hear this today. Thanks Jen.
March 2nd, 2009 at 3:19 pm
The only girls I’ve met who don’t have one trace of “body image issue” are from super “love and wellness”-based families that taught their girls to LOVE who they are from a young age. And those are pretty rare these days.
I love stories like yours that show women succeeding PAST this patriarchal media empire of “beauty” and its influences. You’re an inspiration.
I’m really interested in seeing the film now! I’ve had body image issues allllllllll my life, from step-parents that said I’d have “more friends if I lost weight”, etc., and looking back… I was really beautiful, so I’m trying to make up for that time now by accepting myself. =)
Thanks for this post.
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:50 pm
You - in college?? You almost look 12. But then, now that I think about it, all of the college kids look 12 to me. I like your article, but your still hot.
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
And I mean that in a good way. Some people are just hot. Although, it could be your beaming personality and exceptional friendship that makes you that hot. I could be blinded. Maybe it’s like a friend-version of the Jack Black/Gwyenth Paltrow movie where he sees beauty…
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Awww. You’re so sweet! But you’re right…people who don’t know me see me as a 900 lb. shut-in.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:24 pm
This is something we should all pay more attention to. Since when did attraction become so far removed from realistic looks? Very thoughtful Jen. Bravo!