Jennifer Plesko

Dear American Red Cross,

Let me preface by saying that I admire what you do. You are a very important organization. You help a lot of people in need, and that’s noble. However, you really must stop with the stalking.

When I signed up with you to give blood right before Christmas, I was happy to do it. I’m usually apprehensive about giving blood because, due to my low blood pressure, I pass out 90% of the time. But hey, it was Christmas.

I was even patient when your phlebotomist went straight through my vein and had to hold it open the entire time so it would stay open long enough to fill up the bag (instead of - say - taking the needle out and trying again). A week later, I still couldn’t straighten my arm, I had a bruise the size of a small country on my elbow, people started suspecting I was either a heroin addict or a victim of domestic violence, and I still took it in stride. But now you’ve gone too far.

The first time I saw a 918 area code appear on my cell phone, I was curious. Where in the world is 918? So Google tells me it’s Oklahoma. Well, I have a sister-in-law in Oklahoma. Maybe she wants to chat. But, no. It’s not her. It’s you telling me it’s time to give you my blood again. Since that day, you’ve called me three times a week every week without fail. I even programmed your number into my phone so that I can immediately see that it’s the blood Nazis.

I get enough calls from telemarketers wanting things from me; bodily fluids is where I draw the line. I will not be bullied into giving you my blood; especially after the appalling job you did. Is that how you repay people who want to help? Send blood creditors after them until they pay up? What’s next? Are two thugs going to show up at my door and take it from me the old-fashioned way?

I hope the Girl Scouts don’t get wind of your strategies. I’d hate to decline my 15th box of Tagalongs and suddenly be jumped by a gang of Brownies.

You are one of the most widely-known, non-profit organizations in the country. Are these tactics necessary? Perhaps a nice “thank you” note would suffice. You attract more flies with honey.

Sincerely,

The Introvert